So...what do you do?

There it is again. That sick feeling in my stomach. The one that always shows up when I am asked a certain question. What's the question? "So, what do you do?"  Open ended question I think. I mean, what exactly are you wanting....what to I do when I have a headache, what do I do when my kids won't mind me, what do I do first thing in the morning?  I could add a lot to this question.
Truth is, I know what is being asked. "What do you do?", "What profession are you in?", "What career path have you chosen?" "What did you go to college for?", "What difference are you making in the world with your special talent?"
I hate that question. I hate it, because I can't answer it.  How intimidating it is for someone who has twelve degrees, unbelievable musical ability, poetry, photography, artistic or some outstanding life long career to ask me "what I do".
Well, let me see here, I am a high school drop out, moved out of my house at 17, after not such a good lifestyle and no college, I jumped from job to job. Laid off in Jan 09,  now, a displaced 30 something mother of two and I stay at home. No outstanding abilities or talents, except the ability to screw things up all the time. 
But then....something happens. Just when I am feeling a low as low could be, God gives me a ray of hope. He lets me know that, I don't have to be smart or beautiful, or talented or degree'd (new word I just made up) to be divinely used. He tells me, "OK Bek-as soon as your done feeling sorry for yourself, I've got a job for you"...then he sends me to the store. I have no clue why. I drudgingly go in and purchase something that I don't really need, thinking the whole time, God this is a waste what am I doing here. When suddenly my self absorbed thoughts are interrupted by a lady tapping me on the shoulder.  It was a lady I used to work with. Haven't seen her in 5 years or so. Turns out, she's been laid off as well. As we talk, she shares that her baby boy (in his 20's) whom I had met committed suicide some months ago.  Imagine that.  Coincidence? I think not. Divine appointment. Absolutely.
Then just as I am feeling bad at how my attitude has been and feeling better about being "nothing" for God...I go home and sit on the couch with my 3 year old daughter. She notices the somber, slightly distressed look on my face. She looks down and mumbles for a bit and looks up at me and says, "mommy, I prayed that Jesus would help you to feel better". 
Wow.
He did.
Even though I let the devil get the best of me sometimes, I know that "what I do" is for the Lord. Whether it be just to pray for a heart shattered mom who just lost her child to suicide, or my own sweet girl learning how to depend on God.
That makes it all ok.
From now on when people ask me what I do....my response shall be, "I love".

I love you Jesus.

Think about that.