Servant or Slave...

It seems so easy to sit on the fence. One foot in the world, one foot in Christ. It is truly scary how easly influenced we humans can be. Just like a dumb sheep...in need of a shepherd. Once upon a time I was slightly annoyed by being referenced to as "sheep"...for the simple fact that sheep are not very bright.  The older I get, the more clearly I see...I am a sheep, and oh how I need a Shepherd.  Give me a sheltered environment and I can flourish and blossom and grow and live and love, thrive and see the light at the end of the tunnel, but take me from my sheltered sheep pen and I will be in despair almost immediately.  Often I try to bargain with myself saying,  "you are strong, you can do this, don't give in". I can even say, "Lord help me". That's usually were I mess up...chances are if I am saying that in a voice crumbling under distress...then I know I am already a goner.   If I try to resist the cookie by giving myself a pep talk, telling myself how "strong" I am...then I will fail, every time. That cookie is as good as eaten. Only when I have open hands to let go of all else, and release is to my maker...depending on the Him who can do all things and who makes all things possible, that my failure is turned into victory.
So for me the more effective and constructive response would be, "God, I can't do this..please help".  It is then that He opens the door that allows me to escape from these challenges that wish to so entangle me and it is then that He makes it possible for me to stand up under this thing...coming out on the other side, maybe not unscathed...but certainly more aware of His unfailing love and grace and faithfulness.

 I wonder how long God will save me from myself?  I wonder how many times I will have to cry out to him to clean up my mess.  I wonder if God becomes angry with me when I grumble, and when I try to do it myself, and when I look at the grass on the other side and think it is greener...more than once...or twice.

I will keep trying. God is good, and gracious and long suffering. He is compassionate.  I will keep on messing up...and I will keep on crying out for help...and He will keep on helping me.  
The things that I struggled with 20 years ago may not be the same things I struggle with now.  New struggles come and so do new victories...and growth.  
Trials come and go, but there will always be that place where the devil can hit you and no matter how old that particular struggle may be, it will always be a struggle.  The fact that we struggle does not make us weak, or unsaved, or less than...but God forbid that we ever give up trying.

There is so much I do not know, but one thing I do know is that God loves me. He adores me. I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around this. So, I quit trying and just accept it and believe it.

So, the question that I must answer is this, "Will I be a child and servant of God or will I be a slave to sin?"

'Sin shall not be your master, because you are no longer under the law, but under grace.' Roman 6:14


Think about that.